As the year is whizzing past us at lightening speed, it won’t be long before we enter Autumn and that brings a milestone birthday for me, as in November I’m turning 30. I think a lot of people feel quite daunted as the big 3-0 appears over the horizon, but for me – I’m actually quite excited.
I feel a totally different person now to the person I was just 2-3 years ago, and even more different to the person I was in my early twenties, and I think its for the better. I was more carefree, but I was also fraught with anxiety, self-doubt and confused about who I wanted to be. I also made some bad, bad relationship choices… Cringe! Who knew you can be in a loving relationship with someone who accepts you for your amazing 100% natural self?! I certainly didn’t think so in my twenties and was always trying to be someone I’m not to please other people. Trust me, this is an exhausting way to be and leads to a very unhappy life.
So, with that in mind I thought I’d write an honest post about how I’m feeling now I’m actually about the verge of turning 30 and what it means to me. I’ve been told by many reliable sources that your 30’s are actually some of the best years of your life, and I believe them! Roll on the good times….
1. I’m more confident – I’m more confident than I’ve ever been, I’m still quiet natured as that’s just me and I accept I’ll always be an introvert, but at least now I am able to speak out when required and put myself forward when I need to. I don’t think I’ve actually grown in confidence, I think all that has changed is that I care less about what people think of me and believe in myself and what I’m saying.
2. I’ve finally learnt to shed toxic people -this was a hard one for me to get my head around, in my early twenties I just wanted to be friends with everyone and subsequently I would accept any kind of treatment from them, often with little return. As I’ve become older and wiser I now realise there is no point in friendships that are uncomfortable, one-sided and in some cases negative. If a friend continually makes you feel bad, puts you down or makes little to no effort to see you means the alarm bells will ring. A friend should be there for you and be a pillar of support when you need them, anything less and I now know I need to question my friendship and the time spent on this person.
3. I know what I like – I can honestly say my perfect evening would be a night in, with Vee and the puppy, a movie and a bottle of wine. No longer do I feel the need to get my gladrags and go clubbing, in fact I know that I dread the thought of it now! I know what I like now and that’s totally okay. If I want to come home from work and put my PJ’s on at 5pm and cook microwave popcorn, that’s okay. If I’m excited by a new wool colour and a crochet pattern I’ve found on Pinterest, that’s totally okay too, I like who I am and I know what I like!
4. I really enjoy people taking me seriously – I have always had a babyface and often get mistaken for being younger than I really am (I still have to carry ID with me 12 years after I hit legal age!) So throughout my teens and early twenties I found this meant everyone thought of me as young and innocent, therefore no one really took my opinion seriously. This as a young intelligent woman was seriously frustrating! Now I’m nearing 30 and I think starting to look a bit older too (the skin expert said I’m getting wrinkles!) it seems to have worked in my favour, as finally people are starting to look to me as a valid opinion and worthy of their time. Its taken a long time but people are now listening and if they aren’t I’ve learnt to be assertive and make sure they respect my point of view!
5. I have more money to spend on things I enjoy – I moved out of home at 18 and have struggled for money for nearly all of my twenties, with rental costs in Brighton being almost London rates without the salaries to match, its a tough place to start out in life. However, after many, many years of scrimping, I’ve finally hit a comfortable time of my life where I earn a decent wage, own a house and have a bit left over to spend on myself. I have worked really hard for my money and don’t ever feel guilty for spending a little bit of it on treating myself for my efforts now I can.
6. I’ve finally learnt to listen to my body – In my early twenties I’d go out drinking until 4am and turn up to work the next day, fresh as a daisy. Do ytou think I can do that at 30? Not a chance! My body has changed a lot and I’ve finally become attuned to listen to it. This doesn’t just mean the dreaded two-day hangover, it means I’m able to listen to my body in many ways, if I’m tired, I’ll go to bed early – even if its 8pm. I’ve also realised there are foods my body doesn’t like, such as bread, beer and some dairy products. Sugar also sends my energy levels haywire and makes me feel dreadful and I know it. Finally, I’m learning to respect the food and nutrients I put into my body and strive to feel good. Being in tune with my body is one of the best things that could happen to me, and all I had to do was listen.
7. Having a quiet drama free life is actually a good thing – Gossipping, drama and bitchiness happens everywhere and I have been subjected many times throughout my life. I’ll also admit I was probably the perpetrator of some gossip too. It was fun at the time but do you know what? Now i just want a simple, quiet life, I’m too old for drama and with gossip, nothing surprises me anymore. A quiet night in, watching the bake off with a cuppa tea is drama to me and I love that fact.
8. Wine gives me a headache – Yep, its true, there is no easy way to say this, but wine really doesn’t agree with me! However, not wanting to be defeatist, I’ve battled on through and the key for me is Spritzers…. they seem to keep the headaches at bay. God bless soda water!
9. My wardrobe has changed completely – I’ve never been a total fashionista, however now I have a different outlook on clothing. Its not all about the latest fashion or wearing something to ‘fit in’. I now feel I’m able to wear clothes that suit my own tastes, chose more classically styled pieces and know which items are flattering to my shape. Instead of shopping in Topshop and Miss Selfridge, my first ports of call are The White Stuff, Fat Face and Joules. I now put comfort high on the list of priorities, gone are those teetering stilettos! On the odd occasion I wear heels, I now carry a ton of blister plasters and will be moaning about the pain for days!
10. Adult friendships take so much more work and effort to keep going – I may have less friends and even less time to see them, but the friends I do have I treasure. This has been the biggest transition to get used to. Everyone nowadays is so busy, we all have our own lives. I find I really have to make a conscious effort to catch up with friends and put in the time required to maintain a healthy friendship, even if this means just a quick text to check-in. I also get that months will pass without seeing some of my friends, but it doesn’t matter as they know who they are and I know they are always there for me! I have had lots of good friends and acquaintances that I have met along the way who have now disappeared from my life, and that’s okay, people come and go, and I’ve finally learnt to accept that. Hopefully, the special ones will stay!
Have you recently hit a milestone birthday? Did it change you in some way? I’d love to hear your experiences below!
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It’s like reading my story! I was exactly the same when I hit 30, I became more confident speaking out, dumped toxic friends and did what I wanted to do to be happy! Life’s a lot better now and no drama! X
Holly ∣ Closingwinter